Elevator Etiquette... Learn It, Live it!

Everyone who works in a high rise office building knows, there is nothing worse than lack of elevator etiquette. If you are clueless, let me give you a few lessons to start you on your way to a better you...

1) Hey , you, lady who just had a smoke break! You stink! And you are standing in a very small space, very close to my nasal passages. Get yourself a nicotine patch or take the stairs!

2) Hey, you, fat lady! Please take a look in the elevator before backing yourself in butt first and sticking your nasty rear end in my stomach. It is rude and bizarre, and uncalled for. Walk in facing forward and then turn around a safe and comfortable distance away from me.

3) Hey, you, lawyer in a big hurry! Please don't stick your briefcase into the doors of a completely full elevator right as they are closing, and then squeeze yourself in. Yes, I know this is hard to believe, but we also have places to go, and after the third lawyer doing this on the same elevator, it gets old. There are eight other elevators which will be coming any minute. Wait your damn turn!

4) Hey, you, with your nose pressed against the elevator doors, waiting for them to open! I am in the elevator and need to get off of it. That is very hard to do with you standing in the center of the doors and stepping into the elevator. Do you think the ten people who rode down with me are just joyriding? Yes, we actually would like to get off on the ground floor, and only then should you get on.

5) Hey, you, on your cellphone, in the elevator! I don't care! I don't care that you have to take the car in, I don't care that your boss said that to you, I don't care where you are going out for lunch. Get off your phone! Can't it wait until you get to your desk? Save your minutes, for God's sake!

Ughh! People drive me batty! Please feel free to add your own...