1/20/2009

Message to the bride and groom...

This weekend my cousin got married to a great guy and the whole weekend was filled with family and fun. In a traditional Jewish wedding, there is a ceremony prior to the nuptials called a tish, where you can give some advice to the couple. During the tish, I really couldn't find what I wanted to say, but as I have had more time to think about it, I've come up with a few words of wisdom.

Now, I've only been married eight years and, believe me, BM and I are far from perfect. We have had our ups and downs. We have had plenty of hard times relationship-wise, but also lots of good ones. Here are a few things I have learned along the way in no particular order:

1) Complacency can be the most dangerous thing in a realtionship. The minute you forget that you have to work at it, things start going downhill.

2) Spend time often sharing details of your day (and also your thoughts on the day in general). I find that when we start to lose interest in the minute details of each other's lives is when distance grows. Over the years, people change, and if we don't keep up with those changes, we risk waking up next to a stranger.

3) This is an oldie, but a goodie... Pick your battles! I struggle with this one everyday, but I definitely find that we are more able to compromise when everything isn't an issue that needs to be discussed.

4) Go out to breakfast together. Not lunch or dinner, but breakfast. It kickstarts your weekends and sets the tone.

5) Go to bed angry... I am the type of person that likes to talk things out right now and get everything settled. Big Monkey likes time to think about things. It has taken me a long time to realize that sometimes it is better to give things some time. Think about what you want to say before you say it. (I never do this, but it really is good advice!)

6) Sit down and talk about your plans often. Have a life plan that you set together. Even if it doesn't come to fruition or your road changes, you will both be on the same page with what you want and expect out of your marriage.

So, newlyweds, I wish you a long and happy life together. I hope you take some of my advice and I too am going to try to remember some of my own words of wisdom more often.

Readers, anything you'd like to add to the list?

10 comments:

Karen said...

Very good advice. I especially like pick your battles.

Want to read about my first job?

Ellie said...

I'll try to remember all of that! Thank you very much!

The Natural State Hawg said...

Yes, "Pick your battles" is a good one. That's my credo. Unless something is terribly important to me, I just say "to hell with it" and let my wife have her way without fussing about it.

We're coming up on 10 years of marriage and still adore each other, so I'd say that tactic works pretty well.

The Natural State Hawg

Karen & Gerard Zemek said...

What a nice tradition to have a special time for giving advice to the newlyweds! Here's my advice--

Share your mates interests.

Go to bed at the same time.

Never criticize your mate in front of other people.

Pray about your marriage regularly. Seek to please your partner.

Determine ahead of time what responsibilities will be done by whom.

Have one person handle the money.

Mike Golch said...

great advice,especially about picking you battles.Now if I can remember that one my self.

Don said...

Nice to here from NOLA from time to time. I'm just up the road in Hattiesburg and have relatives there. Enjoy reading some of the going's on there.

Marjie said...

what a wonderful event for your family. Please, extend her a big "congratulations" for me.

And yes, picking your battles goes a long way when you're dealing with people. I'll stick to it too =)

Cheers...xxx

iWalk said...

It's Chinese new Year' eve today!

I hope you a Happy 牛 year!

牛年快乐,身体健康,万事如意!

iWalk@iwalku2.com

charles mayeux said...

The sum of a marriage is greater than the two people in it. Our differences can be complementary.

nits said...

Every one wants a happy married life with a caring and understanding partner. Before marriage couples seems very happy and after marriage problem arises when they both live together, it is due to money, infidelity, stubborn spouse, unfaithfulness, lack of mutual understanding. In order to avoid these problems your personality should me similar to your soul mate. Premarital counseling is all about to discover the understanding between two getting married partners. Marriage counselors teach you some communication tips to enrich relationship for happy marriage life.
http://www.marriage-counselors.net/